The Great Colbert/Stewart Debate

From a recent debate between Jon Stewart and Steven Colbert moderated by Tim Russert:

Russert: Our program has faced a lot of criticism for only having a Republican and a Democrat on today's debate. However, our explanation that the two party system dictates this has only further angered many of our viewers. What are your views on this system gentlemen?

Colbert: Yes, we do have a two party system. Though there are more than 2 parties that we can choose from, only 2 parties matter. If you don't vote for one of us you are just throwing away your vote. If you want to run against us you're just throwing money away. Hi Ross Perot! The Democratic and Republican parties have dominated for longer than anyone can remember. They have the networks and the money, the tradition and the legitimacy of the American populous. They are everything that is American that isn't apple pie. They keep our government moderate and ensures that we don't do anything too radical. I just wish our writers had a two party system.

Stewart: Tim, I think that a small vocal minority of your audience is just disillusioned with politics. They think that all politicians are corrupt and self interested. They choose to vote for a third party candidate in a voice of abstention. You don't need to worry about these people too much, Tim. They aren't your audience. They will never buy into partisan hacks such as yourself and the games that you play day in and day out on your networks. It surprises me that any of these people are even watching right now.

Colbert: Surprisingly, I agree with most of that Tim, but what these people don't realise is that they have plenty of choices right now. They can vote for me, or Mitt, or Huck, or McCain. They can even vote for Rudy if they are a socialist or Ron if they are a fascist. I sometimes think that the American people have too many choices. Wouldn't it be much easier if there was only one choice: me.

Stewart: Tim, it is true that we rarely fall in love with a candidate anymore. And though there may be problems with the system, the only explanation that I can find is that so few people who actually want to lead this country anymore. I know I'd have to be pretty insane to volunteer to associate with a bunch of politicians all day. Maybe the bigger problem is our improvement in the area of mental health. Zoloft has saved your youth, but damned your nation.